Life with a newborn can often feel like a series of passing days and weeks that sort of blend into one long day with intermittent naps! Recently I have found myself losing track of what day it is and just going through the same routines as we settle into a new rhythm of life again.
I'm loving the cosy, quiet cuddles with our boys and extra mornings snuggling with them under blankets before finally giving into the day. I feel as though we are breaking 'routine rules' and living quite an off the cuff and spontaneous life at present but I also wouldn't change it for the world. We feel reminded all the time that this season in our life is fleeting, the time of raising little rascals together, of rocking the panda eyes and possibly calling one too many 'pyjama days'!
Last night as I prepped the final round of baby feeds for the night ahead, I looked back over the day and couldn't think of a moment where I had sat still without a child either on me, prodding me or calling for me. My body was aching with tiredness, with being mentally 'switched on' since dawn and I couldn't wait to lie down and simply stop, to draw a line under the day.
I felt totally spent in energy but as I climbed up the stairs, rubbing my eyes and half praying little Joshua would be asleep when I reached our room, I had this great sense of being needed. I have little ones that totally depend on me, ones so little that I, alongside my husband, am totally responsible for their need to grow and thrive. When I pondered this I realised that no matter how I am feeling, what hurts or where the threshold of my diminishing patience is at, I am needed, relied on and so necessary for this little family who depend on me.
I have been struggling lately with my own sense of identity, of who I really am beyond a midnight snack facilitator for a hungry five week old! It's something I've wrestled with on and off since becoming a full-time mummy, but last night I felt a real sense of purpose and belonging that I hadn't in a while. I feel as though the 'life with a newborn fog' is beginning to lift slightly and I can see my family in all its glory!
It's a wonderful thing, being a mummy!
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